Well friends, here we are. For all you noobs out there, guess what — women being pregnant for nine months? It's a LIE. You're actually pregnant for 10 months, if you make it to 40 weeks, which as of today, I HAVE. I'm 100%, officially, certified 10 months pregnant today, December 4. The day that's been burned into my brain since March.
And will Baby Stals make her appearance today? Doubtful, but she does have 11 more hours. I'm guessing Saturday (because it's the full moon), and Dave is guessing Sunday. And if it's later than that, that's okay. I'm prepared to wait two more weeks if we have to, but I can't lie — we're ready to meet our baby girl.
Someone from our birth class posted this article a few weeks ago (everyone in our birth class has already had their baby — we're the last ones up!), and it's ringing true for me right now, in the last days and weeks of pregnancy.
Physically, I feel really good. I have back pain, but wouldn't you if you were carrying this much extra weight on the front of your body? I'll tell you what, I've never loved yoga so much as I love it now. It's the only thing that makes the back pain better. Praise God for pigeon pose.
Yesterday, my midwife told me that she thinks women have to be physically and emotionally "done" with pregnancy before they go into labor, because otherwise labor doesn't sound like a good idea. As of yesterday, I started to feel emotionally done. I'm not totally sure why... there have been a couple of times in the last two weeks when I've had a spurt of anxiety out of the blue — "I haven't felt her move in two hours!" "What if something's wrong when she's born?" "What if something is wrong now?" — and yesterday I woke up with that hanging over me like a cloud.
Yesterday was also the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. Dave and I prayed together to start the day, and then I went about my business and felt reassured. But I'm wearing thin on the inside, and I just want to hold my baby.
This post from here on out will be a lot of bit of random, because when you're this close to giving birth, you keep yourself occupied and distracted in as many ways as possible. So besides bringing a baby into the world sometime soon, here's what else is on my mind.
+Ferguson, Eric Garner, etc.
And how could it not be? I'm not even sure what to say, except that white privilege is real, racism is real and alive, police brutality is real, sin is real and is poison. This could obviously be a whole post in itself, but I think there have been plenty of voices already, and honestly, I'd rather have these conversations in person than on the Internet. These three articles have been meaningful reads for me in these weeks (and months).
#AliveWhileBlack / #CrimingWhileWhite (go and read these hashtags on Twitter too)
12 Things White People Can Do Now Because Ferguson
A Mother's White Privilege
I made a list of things for myself to work on while waiting for baby, and many of them are business building/organization sorts of things. Not urgent, but necessary, and the kinds of things that can be done in "down time," when client projects are wrapped up and at a lull. Business has seemed to ramp up in the last few months, which is great, but kind of unfortunate timing because of bébé. But still exciting, and gets my wheels turning for how to continue growth and development in the coming months.
Also, a friend posted this article this morning, and I thought it was SO appropriate. I'm linking here just for a nice little PSA. :) At the end of the article, they linked to a stock site, ImageBrief, where you can bid for different projects that actually pay photographers/videographers really well. It looks like a great resource, and maybe something I'd look into doing in the future.
Always. Last week I let her out of her crate one morning and her face was so puffy, and she had bumps on both sides of her body. I wasn't sure what to make of it at first, so I fed her breakfast and she went outside and seemed sort of like herself, but then not. I started googling what she might have, and it looked like hives. As you can see, it looks pretty alarming.
I took her to the vet and they gave her two heavy-duty shots of cortisone in her hips (which she hated), and her symptoms were pretty much cleared up by the end of the day. But she wasn't back to normal for a LONG time — 5 days or so. She was just super mopey, clingy, needy, etc. She's fairly sensitive to pain, and wants to be snuggled a lot when she doesn't feel good. Do I mind? NOT AT ALL. We love having a dog, and are excited for her to meet Baby Stals.
SO.MUCH.KNITTING. I knit a bajillion scarves for a craft fair a couple of weeks ago, and I sold ONE. Thankfully, Etsy has been bumpin, but I've still got more in stock, so if you're interested in some Christmas shopping, check it out. If I do have a baby in the next, oh, 3 days, I have little elves who are doing all my shipping for me, since the knitting is (mostly) done.
+Parenthood (skip this part if you've never watched it or don't care... because there's nothing more annoying than a person talking/writing about a TV show that you've never seen as if all the people in it are REAL)
What does one do while knitting for hours on end? Catch up on ALL the seasons of the TV show your family is obsessed with. Dave can't stand it, so I only watch when he's not home. But my mom and Jessie text me on the REG on Sunday nights with photos of their tear-stained faces after watching the latest episode, and tell me that I really needed to get on board. So I did, and I'm somewhere in season 3 (or 4? Can't remember), and I'm slowly getting sucked in. I've only cried a couple of times... Perhaps I have a grinchy heart of stone, or perhaps just a healthy sense of detachment from fictional characters. Also, I'm easily annoyed by many things on the show, as follows (in order of most to least annoying):
- Sarah. SARAH. So annoying. Such a helicopter mom. So over-reactive. I have to say here too that I never liked Gilmore Girls because of the mom character, and she's essentially the same person on this show.
- Adam. SO CONTROLLING. So much freaking out. So much irrationality.
- Julia. Also controlling. Type A perfectionist - arg. But I like that she's reppin the curvy women on popular TV. Yes!
- No one ever waiting for a "come in!" after knocking on a door. Privacy what?! So much barging in, resulting in so many awkward encounters.
- Everyone talking over each other. Their conflict would be so much healthier if they freaking LISTENED to each other.
- This archetype of a scene (which SO many TV shows and movies are guilty of):
- Guy leans in to kiss girl (or vice versa) unexpectedly
- Confused and/or steamy and/or disconnected kiss
- Follow up reactions
- Kisser: "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did that."
- Person kissed: "I mean, whatever, yeah, okay..."
- Awkward ending of the scene
- Stupid, canned dialogue about said kiss the next day
- TV writers, please stop doing this scene. It's already happened at least 8 times on Parenthood. It's not creative or original, and surely you can think of better plot points. Because does this EVER happen in real life? If anyone has had this happen or knows about it happening to someone they actually know, please tell me. Because it seems SO FAKE.
- Sydney. She's bratty.
- Max. Doesn't every kid need some boundaries? Do they give him any? I can't see them.
- Hattie and her entitlement.
- Kristina and Adam interfering in Amber's love life — why?
- Apparently, they're a "normal" American family. But they live in BERKELY. I'm sorry, but Seattle is crazy expensive, and I know the Bay Area is even more so, so stop pretending that they're "normal" and that retirees can live in a house that huge, or that Julia's lawyer salary REALLY lets them live in that neighborhood and drive a Lexus, or that Amber can even afford her own apartment in a "rough" part of town on a barista salary. Really!? I'm not buying it. Why aren't we talking about how rich these people are?
- Also, how normal is it that they get together ALL THE TIME? And that every family event is mandatory? Claustrophobic, much?
- Where are the in-laws? Why do we never see anyone else's parents except Jasmine's mom? Weird.
Okay I'm done with my Parenthood rant. Crosby and Amber are probably my favorites, maybe because they're pretty in touch with their flaws and seem to be the most reasonable characters, honestly. I like Zeek and Camille too. And Jabbar is pretty adorable. I was also pretty done with the theme song from the first two or three seasons, and then they switched it up, and I like the new one better.
Enough about Parenthood. That felt shallow. But this is my blog, and I shall write about what I want.
+Snapchats from Jessie
Always the highlight of my social media life. Behold.
I die. How did I get to be in the same family with this girl? I just love her.
+ + + (line break to transition from shallow to deep... because... how else do you do that?)
It feels appropriate to be waiting for Baby in this season of Advent. I feel pretty honored, actually, to enter in to a bit of what Mary must have been feeling too. She probably couldn't calculate her exact due date as well as we've been able to, but she had to have known approximately when she could expect her son.
I don't think she was knitting or watching Netflix or worrying about her puppy's hives, but I imagine she had other things to occupy her heart and mind. Like getting married, managing low level (high level?) stress from living in a military occupied state, riding a farm animal to another region for some stupid census, right in her due time... Who knows what else? And it wasn't just Mary and Joseph waiting anxiously in those last few days for their baby, but hundreds of generations for thousands of years longing for this Rescuer.
We taste that longing in this season every year, and soon our little girl will taste the longing for herself, and be satisfied.