a few thoughts during my last hour in honduras, somewhat related to honduras, somewhat not. 1. grace. have you ever heard someone say, "be careful what you pray for, because God will take you seriously!" it's one of those cheesy christian cliches that has always rubbed me the wrong way. where is that in the Bible?
however, recently i've learned that if you ask God to teach you about grace, he will. and the only way to do that is for you to need it. and so you must make a mistake. or several. or several big ones. i've royally screwed up on a few things in the last couple of months. and not with God, with people. the struggle i find myself in is needing grace from people, not from Jesus. that is a difficult reality to live in, and so very humbling. so often when we talk about forgiveness, it's about forgiving other people, or asking God for forgiveness. but what about when you have been the perpetrator, when you aren't the victim at all, but you have wronged someone else, you have caused harm and pain, and you need forgiveness from another human? there's a deep, deep sorrow in that, one that's brought me to tears and made me lose sleep. in sharing with my mom, she said it made her realize the importance of releasing people and forgiving them, as she saw the sadness in me. i know i've messed up. i've asked for forgiveness. sometimes there are no re-do's. i need grace, so much.
2. homesickness and the holidays. the past two years living away from home, i've had the delightful experience of coming home for christmas. there's a perfect meeting of homesickness and flying home to see family that makes the holidays so excellent at this season of my life. so well timed. this morning at breakfast in tegucigalpa, wearing a sundress and eating tropical fruit, they were playing "i'll be home for christmas" on the radio — such a melancholy song, especially after i haven't seen my family for a while. then i remembered that in just a few weeks i will be home for christmas, in scarves and sweaters, warm coats and warm hugs. so glad.
today it's back to nicaragua for one more day with dave, woohoo. : )